From the series, 10 Things You Need To Stop Doing Now!
Holding on to what?
That is probably the question that you have in mind.
What are we talking about when we refer to holding on? Simple, holding on to:
- Old, Outdated Notions About Yourself
Anger is the easiest emotion to hold onto because it plays directly with our insatiable need to be right, and to get even.
Along with what Buddha says, holding on to anger creates an anxiety, frustration, and sense of negativity that can stay with you for a lifetime. How many times have you heard people say “forgive those who have wronged you?” Do you know why? It is because the longer you hold on to anger, the longer you will continue to let the event that caused the anger to affect you.
If someone has wronged you, they have a measure of control over you. That alone is reason enough to let go of the anger, but think about it; whatever was done to you, no matter how seriously it affected you, is it worth the energy to continue to let them victimize you? The answer of course is no, you don’t want the specter of the negativity looming over your head and impacting your life.
Resentment is an emotion that can deteriorate relationships, friendships, spouses, and families. It is the precursor to hate, and that is the most destructive negative emotion of all.
Let’s say you have an argument with your spouse. As the argument progresses, little insults begin to be thrown, references to in-laws start to fly, and the dialog has turned ugly. It is the pain that keeps on giving, because it hurts when you try to love and hate the same person. This situation is the cause of so many marital problems because it kills trust and therefore kills communication.
Without exception, every couple I see for marriage counseling struggles with the ravages of resentment. They present scenarios like “remember when you blah blah blah?” Well, of course the other party doesn’t see it that way, and there you have it; a long argument about something that may have happened a very long time ago. The longer you keep it alive, the less are the odds that counseling will be successful.
Long Held Beliefs Are those notions about yourself that you have had most of your life. Not the good notions, but the limiting, negative, and hurtful notions you have about yourself.
Long held beliefs are difficult to eliminate, they take changing your thinking and that takes time. Changing how you think about yourself is not an event, it is a process so don’t be discouraged by the time it takes to change it.
You may have thought of yourself as a person who is not really worth much, kind of a “nothing to see here, move along” deal. It is more that likely that notion of yourself is inaccurate and hurtful. Challenge your perceived negative self-notions. Do things that you thought you could never do, because some pinhead told you that you can’t when you were younger.
Move forward, letting go of the junk..You will move quicker if the load is lighter.