Anger angerManagement


No, it’s not about a bucolic television show, it is about getting really, really, angry. Angry enough to punch a few holes in the wall or angry enough to tell your boss to go sit on an ice pick. I’m talking angry!

Some people experience anger by launching into a 30 minute rage about a subject. In that rage, there are insults, negative aspurgents, lots of bad words, and even violent behavior. Violent behavior can be directed at inanimate objects, or people. This is why thousands of people get arrested and part of their probation (assuming they don’t hurt anyone) is anger management classes.

To the anger management class, I say bunk. Some therapists who specialize in anger management classes never go deep enough into the patient’s individual problem. Rather, they fill the air with platitudes and then try and sell them herbal remedies. In my opinion, it is a waste of time and hot air to go to anger management classes. classes

Wait…What? That’s right, I said it. It is a waste of time. Sitting around in a circle and sharing individual’s struggle is not as therapeutic as people think. It is more of a vacuuming of the conscience. It is a way to measure your terrible behavior against other’s terrible behavior in some sort of game of “rate your dysfunction.”

So, what does help people control their anger? one-on-one psychotherapy is the answer. In the therapeutic relationship, the therapist learns volumes about how a patient has reached this level of frustration and anger. The therapist would hear about the patient’s frustrating interactions with his or her parents. Much information about our behavior has its roots in the early years of life.

We model our parents (scary isn’t it) behavior and how they deal with frustration and anger. If loud, nasty arguments are what you hear while you are growing up, then you probably learned that this way of dealing with issues the the best way. If physical violence was in your home while you were growing up, then you will bring this destructive and dangerous skill into your own home. Finding out the reasons for behavior is the main task you have when working with a therapist. When you figure out the reason, you can then begin to unravel the complexity of how it has affected your life.

If you have an anger problem, seek professional help with one-on-one therapy. It is the best path to attaining the peace and happiness you seek in your life. Forget those useless classes that serve only to attempt to cure a cancer with bandaids.

If you have been the victim of an abusive relationship, I strongly urge you to seek help. You do not have to live in a world that is marred by pain and misogynistic behavior. Help is everywhere.

If this has given you something to think about and you want to get help soon, message me on or visit my website:

If you are someone who has been abusive and angry to your spouse or partner, the same help is available for you as well. Seek that help, change your life. Anger is dangerous, destructive, and deadly.   

Lou Carfizzi LPC